As the Hart

As the hart about to falter

In its trembling agony,

Panteth for the brooks of water,

So my soul doth pant for Thee.

Yea, a-thirst for Thee I cry;

God of life, O when shall I

Come again to stand before Thee

In Thy temple, and adore Thee

O my soul, why art thou grieving;

Why disquieted in me?

Hope in God, thy faith retrieving;

He will still thy refuge be.

I shall yet through all my days

Give to Him my thankful praise;

God, who will from shame deliver,

Is my God, my rock, forever.

PH# 74, vs 1,7 based on Psalm 42

I love this song. Sometimes i don't know what to make of the words. I find this psalm quite often tumbling through my head in various snippets of the verses, in a comforting yet haunting melody and yet sometimes i struggle to make this my confession too. I don't always know where i am in my walk, i stumble so often, i fall into dry spells more often than not, but yet, i still have a hope in God. A trust that somehow He will make things right if i just would cling to Him as my God, my rock, my refuge. Strengthen the weary hands and the feeble knees of your servant.

Romin' thoughts

I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear
Te audire no possum. Musa
sapientum fixa est in aure

Passport to Adventure!!

When I arrived home this afternoon, much to my amazement and wonder, there was a pick-up notice on my shelf from Canada Post. What was I supposed to pick up? A love note? A huge cheque? A new pair of slippers? Alas, no love notes, but an equally exciting document. My new passport and for once I don’t look like a convicted mass murderer! Although I still look quite glum and remorseful, I think probably this time I only robbed a general store or something like that. The Canadian Government has outdone themselves in this department – the passports that we Canadian citizens are privileged to hold have a newly increased amount of security and anti-fraud features, including holographic maple leaves and a little Mountie riding across the page! Fun times! Aah, the wonders of a newly minted passport – where will I go to next? What adventures lie ahead? Whom will I visit or meet? Whilst I regret having to invalidate my old passport, I look forward to filling this one up with lots of stamps from interesting places. Anyone wanna go somewhere? I’m game!

A close call...

Count your blessings, and your moments, one by one. I had a good reality check this morning as to how fast things can change and how we sometimes take our health for granted.
There i was, merrily munching away on my bagel and drinking my apple cider, downing my vitamin and chasing it with my banana. A grand old time at the breakfast table, to be sure...
I finished my meal and put away my plate and sat down to finish my crossword puzzle and sudoko - what a wonderful way to start a morning, when all at once, my chest felt tight, my breathing felt rapid and i felt rather "odd". I pondered at one point what was going on and whether i was having a heart attack and how that would really rather suck since i was all by myself in the house and no one would even find me until late in the afternoon... yes, i know, crazy thoughts, but that's what was going through my head. At last, the feeling passed and I was left thinking "what in the world was that?". Aaah, but my body's immune system wasn't finished with me yet, it had more tricks up it's sleeve. My face began to feel hot and full - i kinda ignored it until it got to the point where it felt like it was gonna explode and was hurting - at which point i betook my self to the bathroom where i got the shock of my life to behold not my familiar face but a great glowing red ball, with white circles around my eyes!!! What was going on?? And then my arms started to feel funny - they turned bright red as well and developed hives and itchiness abounded. And then my legs turned purplish/white mottled colours and i was put to thinking that perhaps this wasn't so good!!!
I searched the cupboards frantically for any sort of anti-histamine but alas, and alack, the cupboards were bare and i didn't suppose Benalyn cough syrup would be an acceptable substitute.
Fortunately my dear mother was home and she came to the rescue with some Benadryl and some TLC. Thank goodness for modern medicine and Moms! A wonderful combination. But it sure left me kinda shaky - things could have been a lot worse, that was sure. I thank the Lord that He provided for me in such miraculous ways that I was able to recover from this reaction quickly and with no adverse effects. I think back now and after talking with some co-workers, it most likely was the multi-vitamin i was taking that caused the problems... but it sure was scary!!! How that all works, i have no idea, i was just blessed to have been spared any further reactions and reminded how we need to always keep ourselves ready for God to work His plans in our lives...

Planes, no Helens and Automobiles

Well, i would just like to share this with you all since it was an adventure in my life and it was kinda funny after I looked at it in retrospect and just so you could have a little chuckle at your blonde friend.... perhaps it was all that turkey yesterday that caused my brain to malfunction, who knows?? Anyways, i got up nice and early this morning, somewhere around the awful hour of 5:00 and got my little self ready for an airport run since today was the day! Helen was coming!! I grabbed a Timmy's cafe mocha to wake me up and put the tunes on and headed out on the road. I must confess that i didn't leave a lot of time for getting there but made it quite on time and parked and casually strolled into the terminal and promptly had to walk five miles since i was on the wrong end of things from where i parked. But nevertheless, there i was, all ready to greet my friend Helen and take her suitcase from her and to welcome her back to her home province of Ontario with a big smile and hug. Well, to my surprise and frustration, she never appeared.
And i waited and waited and i didn't know what to do. I wandered up and down the halls in a bit of a daze for a little while and finally came across a lady with a "can i help you?" badge on her shirt and i explained my dilemma and she said okay, i'll see what i can do. We had Helen paged overhead a few times, but as she didn't seem to be in the airport, that action was desparately ineffective!! Unfortunately, she couldn't do much since she was not allowed to tell me if Helen had landed "for security reasons, you see" No, i didn't see... if i need to locate someone, it's ridiculous if you can't tell me if she landed in TO at all... she might be in the air or in Bangkok or somewhere cozy waiting in an airport lounge cause she missed her flight... i was pretty frustrated. The attendent girl let me in the arrivals hall and we talked to the staff there but they again couldn't tell me anything either. They did nicely let me peer around the hall to see if my dear friend was there somewhere but alas and alack, she was not there. Now what???
I have to tell you that my brain was having conniption fits as it tried to best determine what it was to do next.... It's still hurting at the moment from all the mental calisthenics that it was forced to perform on very little sleep or nutrition!!!
See, i was in an awful mess cause first of all, i didn't have Helen's cell phone number. Secondly, i didn't have a cell phone with me to call her cell phone. Thirdly, it costs $3.85 to make a long-distance call from a payphone (what happened to a good old quarter?? Somehow between gas prices rising and the formation of the EU, i must have missed the price hike!!). So the next dilemma was who do i call? Okay, so i called Dad, and how did i call him with no cell phone and no change... well, i happened to be standing next to a nice lady who was waiting for her daughter to come in on the Harmony flight from Vancouver at 7:00 and i explained my dilemma to her and she called her husband over and he let me borrow their cell phone and i talked to Dad who unfortunately had no brilliant answers and so i hung up on him rather than stick these nice folks with a huge phone bill. They did their good deed for the day.
So no solutions yet!!! Hmmm... i called Carina, but alas she wasn't home cause i thought perhaps she could check on my computer in my in-box to determine if it was indeed today that Helen was arriving... cause i was having my doubts now. But alas, she was departed for areas of higher education already, leaving me with no recourse but to quickly hang up before the answering machine picked up and thus save myself that precious $3.85. For the other part of the dilemma was that i only had toonies in my wallet... no loonies... and the phone booths don't accept toonies... and do you think that anyone had a store open so i could purchase a measly stick of gum or a cookie to obtain some change? No way man, not in the bowels of the arrivals hall on the far end of the airport where i was hanging out. So that necessitated a trip all the way upstairs to the Departures hall where there was a significantly higher concentration of human figures from whom to beg change.
I changed a $5.00 bill for some loonies in the travel store which had just opened and finally got through to my mom who agreed to call Francine and see if she knew anything... again, i nearly got cut off cause i had to deposit an extra few quarters since the $3.85 only gets you one minute connection fee... insane!!! I kept thinking, what about first time visitors to the country, how do they function? Crazy!!!
So i hung up with Mom hoping against hope that she would indeed be able to determine what had occured... and then realized i had run out of loonies again and needed to again beg and borrow some coins from some individual.... i couldn't go back to the same lady again, she already thought i was nuts so i went to buy one of those delicious chocolate chunk cookies... however, there were frustrating people in the line in front of me who kept mis-ordering and screwing things up and i was like just get it right and get out of my way. The man kept wanting to put the ketchup packets in his pockets or in his luggage but the nice clerk lady kept telling him that he couldn't do that since security would have a fit if they saw that and that he was better off eating the ketcup then and there... I'm telling you that i nearly snatched those ketchup packets from him and squeezed them on myself so that i could stagger through the terminal feigning a large wound and hoping that someone would have pity on me and allow me to use their phone to call my parents... Fortunately, he finished up his business and allowed me to pay for my cookie and request lots of loonies from the cashier lady who was super nice and made me smile and made me happy. Thankyou lady!!!
I finally got through to mom again after having made my way all the way back to the barren arrivals hall and having no sight of my curly headed friend, called mom back and decided to head on home.
So the moral of the story is that you should always check the arrival dates on your friend's flights since if they're coming from B.C. and they tell you they are arriving at 6:22 am from Vancouver.. you should have put two and two together and realized that if they are leaving from Prince George on the 10th and arriving in Vancouver in the afternoon, that the arrival date is thence the 11th of October, not the 10th!!!
Hope you enjoy this epic saga of woe...

Shipwreck

I built a fortress

With a hundred thousand faces

I'll keep it safe

With a hundred thousand more

But these masks are wearing thin

As You draw me in.

I spent my time

On the empty and the fleeting

I spent my life

On much less that what I'd dreamed.

But I'm reaching out to You

To make me new

Cause I am just a beggar here at Your door

I am just a shipwreck here on Your shore

I come empty handed

Ready to see

Your life in me changing who I've been

To who I need to be.

You tell my story

As You sift between the pages

I feel redemption

In the space between each turn.

Could you take me in your arms

And tell it just once more?

Could You take me in your arms

And tell it just once more?

As I lie here...

As I lie here on my bed, absorbing the sunshine pouring in my window this fine afternoon, enjoying the breezes and the good sounds of Starfield playing on my speakers, i think i am happy! But so often, so often, i am mixed up and not sure about anything. I am worried about the future - lately the whole idea of 30 (which is slowly creeping up on me) is frustrating me. Where am I in life? Should i be further? Should i know more? Have i done well with the time allotted for me thus far? What am i to be doing in the future? Hmm.. yes, not just light little inquiries but genuine hard thinking posers that baffle me and cause me to go off in endless trails of thought until i am wound around myself and am no more sure of where i am than when i started. When i reach heaven, will God be saying "well done, good and faithful servant?" That is my prayer but i'm always scared (and i know that we don't live a life that is earning salvation, that's for sure, thank Him for that!) but did i do all i could with the talents I have been given? I think about this as i again ponder a trip to Haiti and another opportunity to serve as a nurse in a country with next to nothing. How do i fit into that whole thing? Is that the direction i am supposed to be heading in? Would be nice to have our life's paths laid out clearly in front of us - although I might be scared to see what comes... He always gives us strength enough for the day and that is His promise... and we are to trust Him for that - as is said in the Bible (can't remember where or who said it) , "Lord i believe, help me in my unbelief".